So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
