I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Randomize
