I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
