I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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