I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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