i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
