guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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