Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
