I was born with a shot glass in my hand
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
