Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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