Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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