i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
