Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
