i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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