I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I love you. Go after that dick
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
