called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Randomize
