like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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