I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
