party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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