ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
