I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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