I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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