You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
