Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
