oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
