please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
