Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
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