You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
