Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
