do herpes really smell.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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