1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
