So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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