So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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