If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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