What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
