u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
