dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
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