His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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