she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
