She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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