Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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