In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
