Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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