Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket

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(502): View more from Kentucky

I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.

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(269): View more from Michigan

I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.

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(956): View more from Texas

Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW

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(283): View more from Ohio

$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.

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(256): View more from Alabama

In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.

(1-256): View more from Alabama

Yeah, that's a plus.

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(303): View more from Colorado

So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people

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(305): View more from Florida

He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool

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