saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I want a musical about memes.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
