I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
