On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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