What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Can you bring me the toilet please
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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