fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
