no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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